Baker's Partial Dozen

Baker's Partial Dozen

Monday, September 17, 2012

Rare Form

Despite our attempts to make our little Jayna feel better, she's still colicky :(  She'll have 2 really bad nights and then a good night. On bad nights, I'll try to feed her (she'll eat about 1/2 oz if I'm lucky), which takes about 45 min, put her down, and 5 minutes later she's screaming... this cycle goes on and on all night. On a good night, she eats anywhere from 2-3oz in 25 min, goes down with very few issues and wakes 2 hours later to eat again.

Well, smarty-pants here (me), drank a lot of caffeine on Saturday because it tasted so good and it just so happened that that was a good night for miss Jayna. So, after two nights of not sleeping, I had yet another night of not sleeping (and this time it was my own dang fault). Last night was a really rough night for Jayna and mommy! I had not slept in 3 nights and she was just having a rough night, so I was really, really, really cranky and impatient (which I'm sure she fed off of).

As a result, I'm in the crankiest mood I think I've almost ever been in. I felt bad for my poor voice students today because I was the voice teacher from H-E-double-hockey-sticks. I didn't let them get away with anything! I did apologize to each of them, and they said that I was different, but they liked the butt-kicking... Haha!

I couldn't even smile today! That's how cranky I was! Meanwhile, I'm trying to start eating a little better since I've allowed myself to eat anything and everything the last 9 months... that didn't go so well either. Tonight ended in Blizzards from Dairy Queen, which made me feel guilty and made my self-esteem plummet. I'm telling you, I should not be allowed out of my bedroom on days like today!

Funny enough, I feel like I've always somewhat thrived on stress, which is true in the music world... and when I've had enough sleep. However, I'm learning really quickly why I had to wait so long to become a mommy... I never could have done this in my 20's! I'm a very impatient person and like things to be done a certain way. Before now, I've been able to mold my life in a fashion that things could go the way I like, within reason, but have learned a lot about patience along the way. Now, it's no longer about me at all! Nor is anything on my timeline! I can't shower when I want, can't go to the bathroom when I want, can't eat or exercise when I want, can't even teach when I want! I'm sure once Jayna gets over being colicky and once we get into more of a rhythm, I'll feel less overwhelmed, but for now I wonder why Heavenly Father trusts me with this little being.

I've learned more about selflessness and patience in this last month than I've learned in my whole life and tip my hat to all you mommies (and daddies) out there. Y'all make it look so easy!


  1. Hi Jerusha! Saw the link on facebook and came to check it out...

    Your post brings back memories of my first baby. People sometimes compare the difficulty of having one vs. 2 vs. 3 vs. more babies; but for me, going from zero to one was the hardest transition. The whole mothering things was so much harder than I had ever anticipated. I thought I understood what it was to work hard and be patient as a musician--and then here I was with a baby who would never sleep, and hormones all over the place! Being a mother is still the hardest thing I've ever done--but it is the best.

    At the moment, you are in a tough phase, and I'm sure you'll be making it look easy soon!

  2. I haven't been a mother for long, but one thing I have learned is that it is not easy! It is wonderful, but it is not easy. I can totally relate to everything you are feeling. I have so been there. It will get better when the colic passes although it feels like an eternity when you are going through it, but it will pass.

  3. I love reading your posts! I miss you!

  4. Just take it one day at a time.....I still do :)