This week has been full of ups and downs. I feel like I've been on a crazy, emotional yo-yo type ride. That's right, not a rollercoaster... those have slopes that get you from your highs to lows. Not this week... Nope! I've either been crying tears of happiness or tears of frustration this week. Not much in between. However, I do have to say I'm grateful that I've had the "ups" to get me away from the "downs" :).
For starters, Scott got a seasonal part-time job helping UPS drivers. While it's not much, we're grateful for anything at this point. He was told they'd be crazy starting right after Thanksgiving up until Christmas Eve (which is when the job comes to a halt). He's not allowed to work any more than 30 hrs a week and doesn't know when he's working until the morning of... so there's no planning or anything (which, if you know me, is more stressful than not having a job, but oh well. Haha!)
So really, this week would have been fine if all stress factors had not come at the same time. By stress factors, I mean Scott getting a new job, me getting sick, and having my student recital all on the same week. Like I said, had I had any of these one things happen at a time, I would have been fine, but you know how life works. Now, let me tell you about it all... Ready for the long haul? Haha!
To begin, I have to say that one of my biggest pet peaves is complacent voice teachers. Unfortunately, since having Jayna, I had felt like I was starting to lack in my teaching a bit. So, I decided that I was going to step it up and went "over-time" to try to have all of my students adequately prepared for this recital that I had yesterday. We delved more into meaning and performance of their pieces than I usually do (I'm very technique minded, so this was a positive step for me), I chose pieces that were much more difficult and that would challenge my students (and me on the piano), and I held mini masterclasses on the four Saturdays before the actual recital so my students would have an opportunity to perform their songs and get feedback before they actually performed for the recital. So, you might say that I really wanted this recital to be successful because I truly felt like I put in as much as I had to give... and let's face it, we all like to see our hard work (and my student's hard work) pay off.
Now, to this week. Monday was a regular ol' day... nothing exciting. Tuesday, I woke up at 4 am with an incredible migraine, which had already advanced to the nausea stage. Once it hits this stage, there is nothing that can help them. However, I did everything in my power to try to get rid of the headache and not throw up. 3:00 hit and I had students to teach until 6:00 and I still was so sick that I couldn't even stand up. I sooooo didn't want to cancel because this was the week of the recital and that would be unfair to my students. So I contacted them and fit them into every last slot I had on Weds and Thurs. I did still meet with 2 students who couldn't switch (I doubt those lessons were very productive). Wednesday I woke up without a headache (yay), but with a full-blown head cold, sinus thingy! What?! Give me a break! Yes, I'm being dramatic... I'm a voice teacher. That's my job ;). I ended up not going into BSU to accompany because I had a fever, but met with all my other students. Don't worry, I Clorox-ed my whole house and used hand sanitizer every 2 seconds.
Now comes the first "up" moment. I got on good ol' Facebook to see what was going on and I had a message from a friend that I haven't even seen in over 10 years. At first I thought she was hacked because it said, "I have something for you, but I need your number so I can explain it." Now, I've had more than enough scammers calling me lately, so I messaged her back to see if it was spam, but it was real. We talked on the phone and she had bought tickets to The Piano Guys' concert in Dec for her sister, but her sister has a final during the concert time. Rather than selling the tickets or using them, she thought that Scott and I would enjoy a night out. I did everything in my power to not bawl right there on the phone, but as soon as I hung up I did just that... bawled like a baby. I couldn't believe that someone I hadn't seen in over 10 years would care enough about me to make my whole season brighter. Thanks Erin ;)! So yeah, I get to go to The Piano Guys next month!!!!! It even made my illness seem not as taxing!
So, back to Wednesday night. All I could think about was how I had let everything that I needed to get done pile up to Thursday, the day of the recital. Up to this point, Scott had not been called in to work and they made it sound like he wouldn't really until after Thanksgiving. Well, I jinxed myself and said, "Just watch! The one day I really need you here will be the day they call you in." So that whole night, in all my congestive glory, I couldn't sleep... at all. I got 1 hour of sleep... total. Great!
So, Thursday morning, I'm lying awake in bed and sure enough, Scott's phone rings at 7:00 am. They wanted him to work from 10:30-7:30. Are you freaking kidding me?! The exact hours I have to work?! So, immediately I start feeling overwhelmed and sorry for myself (bad combination) and everything is amplified because I am going on 1 hour of sleep. However, I pulled myself together and reminded myself that this was what I needed to get used to when/if Scott finds a full-time job. I also reminded myself that though I feel really weak and helpless right now, that I have always been a strong, independent woman and that I could indeed accomplish everything I needed to for the day.
Well, Jayna is used to having her daddy around and when he left, you would have thought her world had ended! She screamed from 10:00 until 12:00, when I was finally able to get her to take a nap. Sheesh! Well, that was productive! So, as soon as she was down, I started getting things done around the house and made a schedule of what needed to be done, and when, because I really had no breaks once I started teaching at 3:30 until after the recital. Mind you, I made zero time for eating or getting ready... Oops! Slight over-sight. Glad nobody was there just to see me.
Jayna woke up at 1:00 and I gave her a bottle and changed her and then headed out to run to 5 different places. When I got to destination #3, I did what I always do. I left my purse on the front seat of my car with my door left open (in the locked position) and got Jayna out of the back seat. As, I lifted her out and shut her door, I looked up just in time to see a very impatient woman shut my front door for me because she wanted to get into the passenger seat of her car. I didn't even know she was there, and had she said, "Excuse me" or anything, I would have made way for her. I was irrate! I said, "Oh my gosh! You just locked everything in my car! My keys, my phone, and my wallet!" I was seriously panicking. I'm so OCD about having my keys in my hand before I shut my door that I never worry about locking myself out. She said, very nonchalantly, "Oh. Sorry." Got in her car and took off. I was so angry and so upset that I couldn't even think straight! Here it was, 2:00, and I had 2 more places to go and I still hadn't eaten or gotten ready. On any other day, I could have just called Scott and had him come bail me out, but no, it was his first day on the job. We don't even have a spare car key at the house. The dumbest part, was that I was at this destination only to see if I could afford some cold medicine so I wasn't miserable during the recital. Little did I know this destination was about to cost me $40 and my sanity and I'd still have no cold medicine.
So, I went inside and had to mooch a phone off the Rite-Aid workers. Tried calling Scott, but no luck. Then I had to ask for a phone book and called about 4 different locksmith places to see who was closest and could get there the fastest. One guy was only about a mile away and said he'd be there shortly... That was at about 2:15 (Keep in mind I have to teach at 3:30). At this point, my child had soaked through her diaper, was acting tired again because her first nap was short, and was tired of being contained, yet still wanted to be held. Have you ever tried to hold a hyper little puppy that acts like all it wants to do is to be set down, but the moment you set it down, it wants to be picked right back up? Yeah... good times! Well, we ended up playing that game for over an hour... That's right. No locksmith until 3:25! By this time, it was all I could do to not burst into tears again. He apologized profusely that his previous project ended up being much longer than he thought, but in all fairness, he had no phone to call me on to let me know he was running late. So, I got a receipt for my wonderful Rite-Aid experience and headed home without getting my other errands done.
Now, I'm about 10 minutes late for my first student, whose phone number is a land line, so there was no way for me to contact her at this point. I'm upset that I have not gotten anything accomplished that I needed to, I'm upset that my student is waiting at an empty house, and I'm upset that I just had to spend $40 because of an impatient woman.
So, I go to turn left onto my street, when a parked car decides to pull out (oncoming) without using her blinker or anything. Not only does she pull out, but she rips out because she's in front of an elementary school with loads of kids around (and apparently she doesn't care about them) and she barely has enough time to get out because she doesn't want to wait for the long line of cars coming up at 20mph. Impatient lady #2 almost wrecks right into me because she's not paying attention. So what does she do? She lays on her horn, gets out of her car and starts screaming every profanity in the book at me. I couldn't take it any more! I drove off, leaving her there, figuring she'll probably follow me down my little cul-de-sac, but at this point I'm full-blown sobbing and don't give a crap.
I pull up to see my student standing in my yard waiting for me and I just sit in my car and sob. I couldn't even muster up the energy to look over at her. I finally got out of my car and begged for her forgiveness and ran in to change Jayna, get her a bottle, and put her back down for a nap. It doesn't end there... Since the flood-gates had opened, I seriously could not quit crying until my 4:30 student came. That's right solid crying for about 45 minutes.
So, there I was, a complete mess. Hadn't done my hair, any makeup that I had put on was now gone and my eyes were so swollen that I couldn't really fix my makeup. No sleep, no food, no shred of pride left. I called my last student of the day (my one student not singing on the recital) and begged her to change days, so I could have 30 minutes to gather myself and get Jayna ready to go to Clarissa's house... My saving grace!
I seriously contemplated moving the recital to Friday, but figured that would be incredibly selfish of me. Besides, this was the first recital that every single student was able to make that wanted to perform. I'm usually down 6-8 people because of scheduling conflicts.
I got to the recital venue just in time to set my things down, warm-up my students, and unwind a bit. As my students sang, my troubles truly washed away. I talk about having proud mommy moments all the time with my students, but this was like the championship game. I was amazed at what a significant improvement was made from the last recital! Everybody made my heart swell with the amount of work and energy they put into this performance. Though it was just a simple studio recital for friends and family, in my heart it was much more significant.
Since I work in the music industry, it seems like I don't feel that "moment" very often. You know, the moment when it's no longer a song being sung, but rather "music being made"... The moment when you seem to be taken to a whole other place where there are no worries, no people in the room, no impatient people around you, no hussle... Just peace. Well, at the very end of the recital, my heart swollen with pride and a love for what I get to do and the people I get to work with, I got to experience that "moment". The very last song for the night was a song called "Morgen" by Strauss. I linked it, so you can listen as you read... It is so beautiful! Anyway, the last performer took this song that I already loved and transformed it into art. It may have been that the peaceful feeling of the music was everything I needed at that moment in time, but tears were flowing down my cheeks halfway through the song. A huge thanks goes out to my students for putting in the hard work to create such a special experience. A perfect ending to make up for my horrible day!
I also got good news on this day that my niece, Cora, was born :). I'm so excited for Lance and Becky and can't wait to meet her!
Today, though I am still sick, I feel at peace :).
As I'm writing this all out, I can't help but be so grateful for all of the people in my life that are so understanding, generous, helpful, supportive, and loving. I am so blessed!
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Jayna and I left to go down to Provo this last weekend to her little cousin, Addie's, baby blessing. We stayed with Grandma Pay and had a nice time. It was nice to get out of the house for a little while and see family.
A few things that were definitely confirmed to me this weekend about Jayna were:
A few things that were definitely confirmed to me this weekend about Jayna were:
- That she is entertained by electronics... and only electronics. I was not allowed to get on any of my electronics because they immediately were stolen by my daughter and it didn't matter that we packed any toys for her, because she only wanted to play with Grandma's remotes.
- That she is a real trooper. She had to sleep in not one, but four unfamiliar places. Though she didn't sleep well, she was only grumpy part of the time. Another reason she probably didn't sleep well was because she cut FOUR molars while we were gone. Poor girl... AND she did it without anything to relieve the pain. Also, she had to sit in a car for a total of 15 hours. I was antsy and I don't even come close to having the amount of energy she does!
- That she is a total extrovert! She LOVED being around people, especially her cousins! Unfortunately, all pictures and videos that I got of them playing were on my phone, which I can't upload to my computer (Yes, my daughter will far surpass my electronic abilities). My mom did send me a picture of Jayna, Isom, and Addie (in her beautiful blessing dress made out of her mom's wedding dress), but Jayna is grumpy in the picture because she had to have the camera. Haha!The sweetest thing happened on the ride back to Twin Falls, from Provo. I was talking to Scott on the phone and put the phone on speaker so he could say hi to Jayna. She got the biggest frown on her face and grabbed the phone and pulled it in as close as she could to her face (as if it would bring her daddy to her). She cried and cried. Therefore, I cried. It was so sad and sweet all at the same time. I'm glad she has such a great daddy :).I did capitalize on the fact that Jayna wasn't 100% to get in some great cuddle time :). I really enjoyed being able to spend some time with my family and especially little Jayna, even though I got very limited sleep.This trip really helped me to unwind a lot and I'm feeling better about life. In fact, as soon as I got home I found out that we are not getting any back-pay through unemployment and that the money I thought we were getting for back-pay is actually the total amount he can receive through unemployment. However, I didn't have a breakdown or anything. I've decided it is what it is. If we end up having to sell our home, we have to sell our home. I'm praying it doesn't get to that point, but I know we have plenty of people that love us and will never let us live on the streets.On a brighter note, the night we left for our trip was Halloween, so we did dress up and go to a trunk-or-treat. Here's Jayna's cute little costume from her Grandma Baker.
I can't believe how fast she's growing up. She's starting to say new things and often says things that resemble "here" and "I'll get it" and she's says them when she's handing you something or when she throws something across the room and we say uh-oh. She still isn't walking or showing any signs that she has the desire to... I'm thinking she'll just be a late bloomer in this category. I'm not too upset about it though ;). A) Because I already have a hard time keeping up with her and B) because her doctor says that crawling is better for babies neurologically than walking, so if she crawls for a longer period of time, it will help her brain function even more. Regardless, I love my baby girl!