Pure Bliss?

Ahhhhhhhhh! (Imagine that done in my most obnoxious, happy opera voice!)  I don't know what happened, other than I prayed really hard last night (due to my rotten attitude yesterday), but my wonderful, adorable, sweet baby girl actually slept for 3 hours at a time last night. She has NEVER done that... Maximum, 2 hours at a time, and that's on a good night. Not only did she sleep for 3-hour intervals, but she ate and went down within 30 minutes every time but once... and that one time was only 45 minutes!  Can I just say, I felt like a new woman today?!

Not only did she have a good night, but she was only fussy/screaming twice today. The first time was when I put her in her car seat to go to the store, but she calmed down after about 10 minutes, and sadly, the second time was for a full 1/2 hour... the only 1/2 hour I had to teach today... bad timing!

What was amazing about today, is Jayna somewhat uncovered what could have been bothering her for the past week or so... She pooped (count them) 7 times today (of coarse, all of them while daddy was at work)!  I had no idea she could have had that much in her system. While she doesn't poop as regularly as she should, she has been pooping about every day and a half or so.

So there you have it! I had to change a lot of poopy diapers, but I was totally okay with that because I got to sleep :)

Rare Form

Despite our attempts to make our little Jayna feel better, she's still colicky :(  She'll have 2 really bad nights and then a good night. On bad nights, I'll try to feed her (she'll eat about 1/2 oz if I'm lucky), which takes about 45 min, put her down, and 5 minutes later she's screaming... this cycle goes on and on all night. On a good night, she eats anywhere from 2-3oz in 25 min, goes down with very few issues and wakes 2 hours later to eat again.

Well, smarty-pants here (me), drank a lot of caffeine on Saturday because it tasted so good and it just so happened that that was a good night for miss Jayna. So, after two nights of not sleeping, I had yet another night of not sleeping (and this time it was my own dang fault). Last night was a really rough night for Jayna and mommy! I had not slept in 3 nights and she was just having a rough night, so I was really, really, really cranky and impatient (which I'm sure she fed off of).

As a result, I'm in the crankiest mood I think I've almost ever been in. I felt bad for my poor voice students today because I was the voice teacher from H-E-double-hockey-sticks. I didn't let them get away with anything! I did apologize to each of them, and they said that I was different, but they liked the butt-kicking... Haha!

I couldn't even smile today! That's how cranky I was! Meanwhile, I'm trying to start eating a little better since I've allowed myself to eat anything and everything the last 9 months... that didn't go so well either. Tonight ended in Blizzards from Dairy Queen, which made me feel guilty and made my self-esteem plummet. I'm telling you, I should not be allowed out of my bedroom on days like today!

Funny enough, I feel like I've always somewhat thrived on stress, which is true in the music world... and when I've had enough sleep. However, I'm learning really quickly why I had to wait so long to become a mommy... I never could have done this in my 20's! I'm a very impatient person and like things to be done a certain way. Before now, I've been able to mold my life in a fashion that things could go the way I like, within reason, but have learned a lot about patience along the way. Now, it's no longer about me at all! Nor is anything on my timeline! I can't shower when I want, can't go to the bathroom when I want, can't eat or exercise when I want, can't even teach when I want! I'm sure once Jayna gets over being colicky and once we get into more of a rhythm, I'll feel less overwhelmed, but for now I wonder why Heavenly Father trusts me with this little being.

I've learned more about selflessness and patience in this last month than I've learned in my whole life and tip my hat to all you mommies (and daddies) out there. Y'all make it look so easy!

Bath-time

Jayna is 4 weeks old today!!! Time sure flies! I feel like I've gotten nothing done this month, thinking "Well, I just had a baby!" Honeymoon phase, if you will... Even when it comes to Jayna, I feel like I'm behind! I've not gotten to take her on any walks yet, she hasn't gone to church yet, nor has she gotten to meet my BSU family. Worst of all though, is she just now experienced her very first bath! Being as she's been on monitors since we got home, I'd not gotten the opportunity to give her a real bath until this week. Let's just say this new-found task is not cherished by my little one. She hates being naked, hates being wet, and hates being cold!

However, we sure did enjoy the cuddle time afterwards :)

We also got a visit this morning from my sister Allison and her cute little daughter, Haylee. Haylee LOVES the camera and insisted I take a few pictures, so I did... Pretty darn cute!

Random Scott Story

So the other night, I came into our bedroom around 3am after feeding Jayna, only to find that my pillow had been viciously stolen by my husband.  Though the act was vicious, I (being the nice person I am) didn't have the heart to retaliate by rudely awaking him. So I tried as quietly and nicely as I could to wake him so I could have my pillow back. He only woke up about a quarter of the way and I asked him if I could have my pillow back. With a VERY confused look on his face, he said, "Sure." and handed it over. Then I asked him where his pillow was. Even more confused by this question than the previous one, he said (with a very perplexed face), "I don't know!" We looked around for a bit and soon discovered that he was hugging it. Then he put it under his head and went back to sleep.

Last night, I remembered this story, which was really hilarious to me for some reason. So, of course, I told Scott the story (with extra exaggeration, because that's my style) and was laughing the whole way through at his expense. Getting frustrated with my amusement, Scott said, "Hey! I'm going to wake YOU up around 2am and ask YOU really difficult questions!!!" (Like "where's your pillow?") At this, I really lost it... I couldn't quit laughing for like 20 minutes! My throat hurt, my stomach hurt, all my insides from surgery hurt, but it was all worth it! It felt good to laugh like that... It's been way too long! (He was laughing too.)

No Strings Attached!

Today Jayna FINALLY got to go off her monitor!!! No more being confined to the rocking chair right by her cradle whenever we want/need to hold her :) There was nothing worse than when she was screaming bloody murder because she was so hungry and we'd have to set her down to go fix a bottle. I lied... There was one thing worse... Peeling off her stupid "electrodes" that the Dr had us tape on because they kept sliding off! It was such a hard thing for me to do! I think her first layer of skin came off with the tape :(  We tried soaking the tape with water, soap, lotion, you name it! So, after I finally just had to rip it off, and she was screaming so hard she puked everywhere, I picked her up and cuddled her for a long while to let her know that I didn't want to hurt her. I hate seeing my little one suffer!

So Jayna is now 3 1/2 weeks old... soon to be one month... Aaaaaahhhh! I see her growing before my very eyes... Something you hear people say all the time, but it doesn't become real until you experience it! Her eyes are starting to get blue, which may change, but they seem to be bluer every time she opens them! She also has ridiculously advanced coordination and strength (according to her Dr... that's not just me talking). Just one week into her life, she grabbed one of the bars to her cradle, pulled herself over to it and started sucking on it... Now that's determination! She also holds her own pacifier in and has held her own bottle in on a number of occasions. Her Dr has warned me that she will probably crawl and walk early on... I'm hoping not... I'm hoping this coordination will help her to be a fabulous piano player ;) I am learning that Jayna likes to have things done her way... she's stubborn, determined, and likes to be in control, but she's also a total sweetheart! Sounds a lot like her mommy (except the sweetheart part, she gets that from Scott). I've warned Scott of what he may have to put up with given these attributes.

Last Sunday my mom and I tried to get some pictures that showed how tiny she actual was.

Please ignore how nastily dirty my oven mitt is... Don't worry, after seeing this picture the oven mitts are in the wash!

Even after seeing these pictures now (a week later), I realize how much she's grown this past week!
Jayna also makes so many faces that make me laugh so hard... poor girl is going to get a complex with how much I just sit and laugh at her!

This is the face she makes every time she's grossed out. When I was trying to breast feed, I made her sick one time and after that, she'd make this face almost every time I'd try to get her to latch on. At one point, she took both hands and pushed me away from her. Haha!

This is her stubborn face... "Nope! Not going to do it!"

                                      This is her cute little "o" face... Makes me laugh and laugh!

 This is her cuddly little I'm-too-cute-for-words face. I can't kiss those cute little cheeks enough!!!

And finally, this is her I'm-wide-awake-and-in-a-complete-daze look. (Wish my camera could pick up the blue in her eyes!)

Warning: This post may contain birth details and pictures not meant for the sensitive eye

Seriously, this blog is for journaling purposes, which means I will be posting far more details than most people want to know. If you don't want to know details, don't read this :)

On August 3rd I went in for another Dr's visit and my blood pressures were 150/100, which caused them great concern, yet again. The Dr on call decided to send me home with yet another 24-hr urine test. On Monday, the 6th, my results came back and this time my urine levels were at 800 (the nurse told me wrong last time... the numbers are supposed to be under 400 and mine were at 450)... Practically double what they were the week before. However, they don't consider it a huge risk until you're over 3000, so they just told me to continue on bed rest. The next morning (Aug 7th), I had yet another Dr visit and this time my BP was 160/105. Dr. Anstine had me wheeled back over to Triage (no walking for me) and told me she wanted them to monitor my BP's for the next few hours to help them decide what to do. Well, my BP's went down to 140's/90's-100's, but Dr Anstine decided to admit me to the hospital over-night, again, to have ANOTHER 24-urine test. Really?!!! I just did one yesterday! This time, one day later, my proteins jumped to 1700. Ouch! Also, my platelets dropped from the 250's to the 180's... If they drop below 100, no epidurals may be had... Sooooo, she informed me that I would be hospitalized until I had Jayna. At this point I was 35 1/2 weeks along, and our goal was to make it to 37 weeks. Gulp!

The next week really didn't go so badly... I thought I would die a thousand deaths having to be hospitalized for so long. But with incredible nurses taking care of me and incredible people coming to visit, and knowing that Scott didn't have to take care of me or worry about me and baby, it was almost easier than bed rest at home. My BP's continued to rise during this week and on Tuesday (the 14th/ 36 weeks and 5 days), Dr. Anstine decided to send me to Labor and Delivery to induce me.

 

They put me on Magnesium (to lower my BP's), which made me loopy, sleepy, and nauseous and started me immediately on Pitocin. My body didn't respond right away, so they upped my dose to the maximum dosage. I was having contractions 2 minutes apart, but wasn't feeling them... That night they measured my cervix and I hadn't even dilated to a 1 yet. So they took me off the Pitocin and decided the next day they'd try a different measure... the FOLEY BULB (capitalized to make it sound more menacing).

On Weds, the 15th, they inserted a catheter (Foley bulb) into my cervix, which had two inflatable bulbs that rested both above and below my cervix. They then filled these bulbs with water until they reached 4cm diameter. These bulbs push together to cause the cervix to thin out and dilate to a 4... Once this happens, the bulb falls out and the cervix continues to dilate for baby to be born. This may sound fine and dandy, but let me tell you... This is PAINFUL!!! For you women, take your worst cramps ever and multiply that by 10... and I have a pretty high pain tolerance! Typically, with this procedure (a 95% success rate), a woman's cervix is supposed to respond within 8-12hrs. However, my body, being extremely stubborn and rebellious, still had not responded after 18hrs. So Nurse Wendy (who was now bound and determined to meet this baby even more than me), attached an IV of liquid to the end and hung it off the bed to try to force it out. OOOOUUUUCCCCHHH!!! Come on! After about 4 more painful hours it finally came out! Dr. Anstine was called and after being measured again, I was now dilated to a 4 (but my cervix had not thinned).  Dr, being convinced that my body would now cooperate, broke my water to try to get Jayna to drop.

Surprise, surprise... 4hrs later (now Aug 16th at 7pm), nothing had progressed! At this point, I'm back on the Pitocin and having contractions every 2 mins again. Since they had broken my water, I could now be at risk for infection (18 hrs after it's broken), so we decided that we would set a c-section up for Friday (Aug 17th) morning at 7:30 and if nothing had changed by midnight, we would plan on c-section.  They measured me again at midnight to see if anything had changed and absolutely nothing had happened!

Like I said before, I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but as far as surgery is concerned, I'm a big weenie!  The thought of people cutting into me TERRIFIES me! That night I had every stress dream imaginable... mostly dealing with school, of all things. The next morning, so swollen that I can't even open my eyes, we went into the Operating Room. You know on TV when people are lying in these rooms and everything seems to be moving and sounding in slow motion? That's absolutely how it was! I couldn't believe it! After they injected me and I was completely numb from the chest down, all I could do was breathe (because that took all my focus). It felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest! When Scott came in I was so relieved! He came and held my hand and I felt so much more comforted! They told him he could watch, but I wouldn't let go of his hand, so he ended up watching over the sheet that blocked me from seeing it.

After a few minutes, at 8:16am I heard a pterodactyl screaming and immediately started bawling because I knew it was my baby. Let me tell you, crying with an elephant on your chest is not an easy task! They then took her to clean her up and pulled Scott over to help. He then brought her over so I could see her and the bawling started all over again... She was so beautiful! (It's true! Even though I don't think newborns are ever beautiful, it's different with your own.) She weighed 5lb 4oz and measured 17 inches long (the hospital said 19 inches, but the dr measured her 3 times afterwards and said the 19 was a mistake) I wanted to hold her so badly, but couldn't because of the anesthesia.

(Yes, this picture is absolutely hideous of me, but it needs to be on record!) She and Scott were then taken to the recovery room while I was being stitched up and I got to join them a little later. By the time I was wheeled down there, I was shaking and freezing (because my drugs were wearing off) and knew that yet again, I'd not get to hold my baby. I was greeted by a very unpleasant lactation nurse (don't get me started on them), who man-handled me and Jayna and soon after, because of Jayna's low blood-sugar, took her away from me to give her some formula.

After I was wheeled up to the mother/baby unit, all I could think about was water... I was soooo thirsty!!! When I asked the nurse for water, she brought in 4oz and told me that's all I could have for the next 4 hours... Dr's orders. I almost cried I was so thirsty! No ice chips, no nothin'! They said it was because my body was retaining so many fluids that they were worried about the water going into my lungs. After about 6 hrs, I started draining fluids and they upped me to 16oz every 4 hours... I never thought I'd crave water so badly in my life!

The rest of that day I was so tired and out of it, I wasn't able to hold Jayna other than when I was trying to nurse her (yet again, with the obnoxious lactation nurses man-handling us). That night, all I could think about was finally getting to hold and cuddle my baby the next day and was so excited! Then the next day came and the nurse had to deliver the bad news that Jayna was jaundice and had to be on the biliruben table all day. I lost it... I mean, LOST it!!! I was sobbing so hard I could hardly breathe! At this point, I totally understood why people would want to have their children at home with a midwife (even though the hospital treated me very well, and everything was done in the best interest of Jayna's and my health). The nurse then asked me if I'd like to walk down to the nursery to try to nurse her and even though I was in ridiculous pain, I said yes. We got there and they were just taking her off the table... She actually had a tear dripping down her cheek and snot coming out of her nose because she hated the table so badly! At this sight, I began sobbing again... I couldn't handle it! (Seeing my hormonal trend yet?) I held her and fed her for what seemed like 2 seconds and they had to put her back on the table.

That night, I begged them to bring her to me (at about 6pm) and they did! I refused to let her go until about 1am... Seriously! I held her for about 7hrs straight and it felt sooo great!

A few days later, the day we were told we'd get to go home (Monday), my BP's were still high and Jayna failed her car seat test (she was holding her breath for 10-15 seconds at a time) so we were told we couldn't go home yet... You guessed it! Another breakdown! I'd now been in the hospital for 2 weeks and wanted so badly to go home!

The next day, we were finally released at 8:00pm and were able to go home! We were sent with a bili blanket, apnea monitor, and caffeine (to stimulate her breathing and heart), but we were going home!!! By the time we left, Jayna had been at 4lb 12oz for 3 days and they were concerned she wasn't gaining, so I had to give her formula on top of breast feeding (which, by the way, she decided she didn't want to do). At the Dr appt the next day, they decided she didn't need to be on the bili blanket any more (Yay!), but she had to stay on the caffeine until Sept 4th, and is still on the monitor until tomorrow. (It will be so nice to have her off of everything!!!) By her appt on the 28th she was finally up to 5lb 2oz and by the next week (Sept 4th), she gained a whopping 12oz! 5lb 14oz!

I've recovered quite nicely! I lost 25lbs of water weight in the first week... yeah, I was swollen! I still look in the mirror and can't believe how much water weight I've lost in my face and chin (they're still big, but nothing compared to what they were!) I'm now able to drive, which is wonderful, and feel like I'm about 95% healed.

I am so grateful for all the help/support we received throughout this time! Special thanks to our moms, who came and stayed with us and allowed us to sleep for a while :) Thanks to our families for being there for us! Thanks to our amazing friends and ward for visiting, helping out with meals, etc.!!! We're so blessed to have our amazing little addition to our family and she is worth going through all of the things I've complained about :)