Worst Nightmare

I don't even know where to begin on this post. I am so emotional and overcome with gratitude and sadness that I can't quit crying.

Last night, we put Jayna to bed at about 11:00 and then stayed up a while longer. When we went up to bed, we noticed our room didn't smell so fresh (we live in an old house that used to have smokers, so this can be a regular occurrence). Therefore, Scott went into the bathroom and grabbed the air freshener and sprayed our room. I don't know if the air freshener went bad or what, but we both immediately started coughing and opened our window to air it out. After it was aired out we went to bed and Scott immediately fell asleep. I, on the other hand just couldn't sleep... I kept thinking about the shooting in Connecticut and couldn't imagine what those poor families must be going through.

Around 2 am, I noticed Jayna was making weird sounds. She does this often because of her laryngomalacia, but these sounds were different. I kept trying to talk myself out of going and checking on her because I constantly feel the need to check on her and she's always fine and then I feel like an over-paranoid mother. Going against my own logical thoughts was the smartest thing I could have done. I went into her bedroom and saw what no parent ever wants to see. She was arched completely backwards trying to get air, while mucus was overtaking her nose and mouth and flowing out. I immediately grabbed her and started trying to get the mucus out, but the more I worked at it, the worse it seemed to get. I screamed at Scott to wake up at the point she was turning blue and ran to find her little suction bulb, which we've not needed to use until now, so I had to hunt. When Scott grabbed her and brought her downstairs, she let out the most discomforting burp I've ever heard! You could hear the mucus all down her throat and into her stomach! She then started puking up mucus and ended up puking it up 3 different times. I kept suctioning and suctioning, but to no avail. We grabbed her car seat and diaper bag and ran out the door. I did what I never thought I'd do... I held Jayna the whole way there. I was not about to let go of her and put her in her car seat. The whole way there, she just laid in my arms completely limp, barely able to breathe as I kept suctioning her nose and mouth. I was screaming at the traffic lights the whole way (which worked most of the time because there was very little traffic out). I looked at her, completely pale and ghost-like, with red puffy eyes and lost it. I couldn't bare the thought of losing my child. I then realized how many parents were experiencing even worse pain than Scott and I were this very night and my heart went out to them even more.

We got to the ER and I ran Jayna in, practically breaking down the doors. They got Jayna right back and started looking at her. By this time, she stopped producing as much mucus and was breathing somewhat steadily, but they kept her until about 5 am to make sure she was okay. The Dr. told me that she was experiencing a chemical reaction to the room spray. Even though we only sprayed it in our room and immediately aired it out, it was still too much for her. He said that she may have added allergies to scents, so if we ever spray anything, it needs to be lightly and hypo-allergenic if at all possible.

I can't imagine what would have happened had I fallen asleep, or not gone in and checked on her. She's only been in our lives a few short months, but I cannot imagine life without her. I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father was watching out for us and kept me awake and urged me to go check on her. We've been through absolute Hell the last four months as far as our health is concerned and have been to the ER more than I can possibly imagine, but we are all alive and for the most part well and for that, I am grateful.

I've been holding little Jayna practically non-stop since 2 am and am completely paranoid about falling asleep. I love her so much! I've had friends who have lost children and can now only begin to imagine how hard that had to have been. I really don't think I'd be able to get out of bed or function if that happened. My heart truly goes out to those who have lost children, and at this time I really feel for those who lost children in the shootings. I will pray for them harder than I've prayed in a long, long time.